09 July 2014

Weeks 13-14, a light in the darkness

Pregnancy Update:
The weeks are just flying by! And that's a great thing, because I'm still vomiting a lot!  As of the end of this week I'll be about 15 weeks along in my pregnancy.  By all accounts now, the baby and I have made it through the first trimester!   I'm starting to show just a little bump now.    You'd have to know me well to recognize it, but I've put on about 5 pounds.  Sometimes I'm not really sure how I managed to gain any weight, because I don't feel like I've been eating more calories.  I still loose the occasional meal (and every other breakfast).  Breakfast and I are not pals.

The good news about reaching the 2nd trimester is my energy is starting to return.  As of today...I almost feel normal as far as energy goes.  I actually felt like doing more than just sleep after work.  That in itself is pretty exciting.

Over last weekend, I actually had enough energy to weed a flower bed.  There were a lot of weeds (and some of them were taller than me...), but I got it done.  Chase might have pulled up 1 particularly stubborn weed for me...

Even though over all I'm feeling better...the picture above is probably 40% of mornings.  Just hand me a bowl and leave me alone in the mornings...

Even though my doctor assures me listening with the doppler unit and using the ultrasound to glimpse the baby is not dangerous for the baby, I still only let myself listen to the baby once a week....and peek with the ultrasound once every 2 months.   I admit...I took a peek earlier this week.  Our ultrasound unit isn't fabulous, but I was able to find our little jumping bean.   The baby is very wiggly, and I was able to make out a tiny little face, cute dancing arms, and bouncing feet.  It was AWESOME to see my tiny dancer even if the detail on the US wasn't the best.  In the snapshot above, you can see 2 arms and the baby's noggin (with shadows of facial features).  I can't wait for my next real ultrasound!  We'll find out if the I can call the baby...a he...or a she :)

Other Ponderings about Children

Chase and I got an update this week on another child we care about: one of our former fosters.  I can't say too much about it, but Chase and I might be...or might not be... taking him into our home again.  If we do...there's a good chance he'll stay forever.   We'll still trying to pray and determine what God's will is for us and this little boy.  

As I sat outside on back patio, enjoying the low humidity on this summer day... I found my myself placing my hands over my growing belly.  I love this little baby wholeheartedly.  I'm scared.  I'm excited.  I can't wait to hold this baby in my arms, kiss her/his little face, tickle her/his toes, and love her/him for the rest of my life.  This must be how most mother's feel to some level.  Sure there are probably some with more fear...more anxiety, but I think most love the little baby. 

When I tell people, we are also foster parents...and that we don't intend to stop just because we're starting our bio family as well, the reactions are always mixed.  We get a lot of questions like...

Do you worry about foster children hurting the baby? Aren't foster children troubled?  Are you crazy?  Babies are ton of work; how can you even think of fostering with a newborn?

I can't say those thoughts don't run through my brain occasionally.  But here's the truth.  If we don't help them, will you?  If we don't step up to the plate, who will?  Yes.  There will be risk, because even the closest, most loving of siblings don't always get along.  Yes.  Foster children have a little more water under the bridge, and they can have some behaviors associated with that.  Yes.  It will be very difficult.  Isn't motherhood to biological children also difficult?  AND foster children are still just children.  They crave the things that your own kids crave more than anything else: someone to love them unconditionally.  I'm sure some of the foster children we will meet will have deep, deep scars.  But, honestly...it's not my job to heal them.  It's my role as a foster mom to love them and to provide a healing environment.  God is the healer.

One of the biggest reasons, I think we are still going to foster...is because it breaks my heart into tiny pieces.  I can't turn my back on these children.   I want to help them so badly in whatever capacity we can.  Truly, as much pain as foster parenting brings...turning my back on them hurts more.

Anyway... who knows what we'll do!  Maybe take a long term foster...maybe stick with respite.  Regardless of how, I know we'll do something to help.

Peace and Love, y'all!

1 comment:

Cardarian said...

Lovely thoughts! There should be more lovely people like you to bring smiles to childrens faces! God bless your good work! Enjoy motherhood - it is a wonderful thing!